The debate among the open-carry gun rights advocates, Brady campaign supporters, and lovers of Starbucks coffee spilled over onto my Facebook page this morning after an innocent status update about Dunkin’ Donuts. It became so entertaining I decided it could be converted into a blog post. How’s that for harvesting the internet for easy stories?
When I don’t feel like working from the office, I often go to my favorite Dunkin’ Donuts location to access their free wireless internet and the best coffee in America. Today they have a sign up with the clever slogan that summarized my life philosophy into six words, and I felt that it deserved to be shared.
I updated my Facebook status to read:
“Sign in Dunkin Donuts says ‘Problem: bad mood? Solution: fresh brewed.’ No truer words were ever spoken. Except perhaps ‘I’m gonna tell the teacher on you.'”
After a few coffee-related comments by friends, David (an old childhood friend) made a comment that triggered an unexpected debate on gun rights. For those who haven’t been following the story, the “open-carry” gun advocates have been swarming Starbucks locations all over the country because Starbucks decided it would not have it’s unarmed barristas throw them out. This, in turn, caused the Brady campaign gun control advocates to condemn Starbucks for not throwing out all the open-carry folks sporting their shiny pistols in public. Those not involved in the debate on either side opted to use the drive-through window or went to Dunkin’ Donuts.
I don’t know what is going on at the Starbucks down the street, but I’m happy to report that if anyone in this particular Dunkin’ Donuts has a gun, he or she is keeping it politely tucked away in a boot holster or under a shirt. No one here seems to feel compelled to pull out a weapon while getting a refill on their coffee. Which is good, because those of us here who are trying to relax and/or focus on work really don’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of idiots brandishing guns, nor do we want to see anti-gun morons agitating the people who have guns.
The thing that both sides of this debate fail to appreciate is that the average person sitting in a coffee shop doesn’t give a damn about their political views. We aren’t here to push a political agenda. We want to eat donuts. We like to drink coffee and listen to classical music while quietly chatting with friends or surfing the internet. We don’t want you coming around messing up a peaceful afternoon with your personal political issues. If I want to watch a political protest, I’ll take my cup of coffee down to the local abortion clinic.
To me, the issue is not about whether people have guns. I don’t really care if a responsible person has a gun tucked away inside his boot or hidden under a sports coat. Sometimes I’ve considered doing the same thing myself. But I do have a problem with a bunch of angry people with an attitude swarming coffee shops wearing guns out in the open while hoping someone will give them an excuse to have an argument. I’m not anti-gun, I’m anti-idiots-with-guns-in-my-face. There’s a big difference. I mean, really, what person in their right mind wants to be in a room full of hostile people getting caffeine jitters with their fingers on the triggers of their guns? I think I’ll pass.
I respect their right to own guns. I really do. But must they take them out in public where everyone has to see them? I respect their right to have penises, but that doesn’t mean I want to see them waiving their dicks around in a coffee shop. Like their little pricks, they should keep their guns in their pants and not out in the open.
And if you start disrupting my quiet coffee shop with your crap, I’ll key your cars and let the air out of your tires. Consider yourself warned.
Someone get me another one of those Bavarian creme donuts.
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